Hello, I am Maria

Where do I begin?

I don't want to bore you, of course... :)

I was born in communist Hungary in '85, and I first moved abroad in 2005, when I was 20, and went here and there (also back home for a little bit) and in 2015 I kinda settled in the North West of the UK.

From early childhood I felt unloveable and that I didn't belong....

And even from that young age I often felt, when things were difficult, that it'd be easier if I just wasn't around.

For a very long time I couldn't find my place in the world...

I felt like something was wrong with me for not being able to just do what's expected...

And even though I tried to conform, like most of us do in this world, I just couldn't.

I tried to be 'normal' (here I mean by normal – a way that others wanted me to be and accept and love me for that… fitting into the mould that the system is sort of requiring us to fit into) and at the same time I rebelled.

I was always against the 'system' and hierarchy, and everything that oppresses and tries to make us feel less than or cage us.

Actually, just about when I turned 17, I moved out of my parent's home, because I felt really restricted and therefore I didn't really get on with my mum.

I just packed some of my stuff and I went to school with no intention to go back.

I didn't know where I was going to stay... But freedom is so much in me, that I didn't mind...

I had some angels of course along the way... And I was looked after by many, and I had times when even my classmate brought me food, because apparently I was too skinny 😅

Before you think, don't worry... I never had to go without food unwillingly...😍

I have also been told many times, since I was young, that I am stubborn....

So, dear reader, as you can imagine, I struggled a lot internally... plus, later I discovered that I am also a sensitive soul (I can still challenge and stand my ground - and it's still getting better), and I became a people-pleaser to cope, and also developed other unhealthy habits especially throughout my younger era... like partying, drinking, smoking, drugs here and there, too.

Because I felt that something was so wrong with me and that I was unloveable, there were so many times I humiliated myself, disrespected myself, and with that I let others treat me in such ways.

Just for a little affection I could do anything, so I felt I mattered - even if it was only for a short while.

I used to think: only if I have a relationship, I'll be happy. It also went to: if I live in a hot country, I'll be happy. And guess what? When I lived in Madrid and I still felt the void and sadness, I was wondering... why am I not happy? I got what I wanted! And it clicked: because I take myself with myself wherever I go.

Of course, an insight and realisation doesn't mean we change! And I didn't. ☺️ Not then.☺️ Took me some years...

I was longing for acceptance and approval, but how could I have seen the support and love that was there all along if I didn't feel loveable?

I couldn't even receive it. I just so believed I didn't belong.

But this all changed. I am validating myself and I know I don't need to do anything just to deserve goodness.

I make choices that are actually benefitting me and stand with confidence in what I am willing to accept.

Also, I am happy to be on my own, in silence. That doesn't mean I don't love company - I do!

I just don't need others to enjoy myself. We are together because we enjoy ourselves and then we enjoy each other's company. ☺️

I am not running away from difficult emotions, which are not even that challenging any more. I can see my stories (not all of them of course) and I can sit with intense emotions when they arise, knowing that they come and go.

And with that, one day I noticed when something was difficult, that my first thought wasn't that I wish something happened to me so I didn't have to be here.

And that was a moment of realisation - that all the work I had done paid off!

Couldn't stay with myself, needed constant distraction and noise... I couldn't even go to sleep without music or some kind of background noise...

So when did this whole so-called transformation begin?

Thank you for asking! ☺️

As I mentioned above, I felt lost most of my life.

But for a while I thought I found my place in the world.

I had a solidish relationship, dogs, home, a job I loved, I could travel (which was always my dream when I was a kid) and so on...

Really, on the outside I had nothing to complain about...

And there still was something missing, and I just didn't know what it was...

So one night I stood in the bedroom by the window, and just said 'Please Universe, send me help'.... now back then, I wasn't really into any of this 'Universe' stuff... but somehow this is what came out of my mouth.

Sure, I was exposed to it, since I hung out with the underground folk from when I was young... and I read bits, but wasn't really practising anything, if that makes sense...

Anyways, things started moving and popping up.

Local events, and workshops...

And when I went to the first workshop of my life, this is where everything began, or maybe after when I went home...

Because then I promised myself that I will never abandon myself again!

I didn't know what that exactly meant, but the reason I made that oath was because in that workshop something changed…

I felt like I was in the right environment... and so when I went home I just wanted to have more of that and more of me…

And so many years down the line I still have this in mind!

Day-by-day (especially when there are some challenging scenarios) I am coming home more and more to myself and new things keep unlocking in me...

It's like a game. I have to complete one level in order to proceed to the next one and get a new superpower ☺️

When I realised with the help of so many teachers/authors that I create my reality and I am no victim of my upbringing, circumstances etc… and I'm responsible for my own life…

WOW! That was something…

So, after that first workshop I signed up for more events, I read all the books I found

(I actually discovered I liked reading… before that in my 33 years I probably read 10 books :D), I listened to everything I found interesting, signed up for online workshops too, webinars... you name it… watched videos etc…

Until I actually had money to pay for courses, I took everything that was free or super cheap I could afford!

I literally woke up and went to sleep reading or listening to something to reprogramme my mind, my beliefs and my thoughts.

I qualified in so many modalities from energy healings to EFT etc… I had an emotionally abusive teacher and I also had so many wonderful mentors and teachers - my wonderful Heal Your Life teacher (Eileen Claire) and my Mindfulness Meditation Teacher mentor for two years (James Baraz) who helped me see my own beauty and what I condemned about myself, see it as a gift…

I also watched how they teach and treat others, and I learned that too ❤️

And not just them, who closely mentored me, but my fellow students and also I took so many other programmes where I could watch leaders lead with heart (for example the Inner MBA by Sounds True)…

I also took part in programmes where I learned how I don't want to do things… so nothing gets wasted, no point complaining about stuff, but take the learning and move on. (I, as a human being, of course I moan sometimes ☺️ )

After trying so many things - and first I thought I wanted to do healings… I realised that I love teaching/interacting/talking…

And that's why I am using this form of (hopefully) being a contribution to others...

Honestly, it's extremely difficult for me to put myself out there/here… because I live in my own world most of the time... and also, I also love others, meeting and having great time with them…

I have known for so long that I was meant to be a leader (mostly from numerology, human design etc…) but what made this the strongest in me is an astrosophy reading (a little similar to astrology, it's founded by a Hungarian man), where I was told that I wasn't meant to be hiding in this lifetime but was meant to be seen and lead from the heart!

And I told him, okay, I have accepted it… I told him I don't want people to follow me, but just follow the principles I am sharing... he said okay, people still need a face ☺️

So here I am ☺️

I am doing this, because I know what it is like to struggle… we all want happiness and freedom, and yet only very few of us 'get there'…

(Spoiler alert… there is no getting there… everything is already here ☺️ )

I've always wanted a kinder, more harmonious world... and through my own journey and discoveries and learnings, in my own experience I realised that self-love, living true to ourselves, accepting who we are... this isn't selfish at all!

This is just what we were conditioned to believe!

But think about it... or feel into it... when we are truly happy and content (which is an inside job), we are so overflowing.

We don't experience lack or scarcity (or when the feeling/thought of it comes up, we just accept it, see it, and it passes).

We don't feel we need to demand or take... we want to share.

But to be honest, we are naturally sharing by just being our happy little selves...

And through showing ourselves all the compassion and acceptance towards our own humanness - especially towards those deeds we're ashamed of, or those that make us feel we are bad people and deserve nothing good - we just start giving the same compassion to others.

When we share our struggles, we unite. When we love ourselves, we unite!